A question that is always on my mind is how to reconcile my faith in God with all the evil that happens in the world. We all ask these questions, because we all see the pain and hear about the shootings and death and poverty and wow. So much. Too much to handle.
It’s not that I always live in despair, but it’s more that I have so many questions. There are so many things I do not know, and my heart is always on a journey to love God in spite of all I don’t know.
One thing I do know: God calls me to turn my face to Him in prayer.
“Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.” – Luke 18:1
Proseuchamai. I turn my face to God in prayer, proseuchamai.
There is nothing I can do to keep my heart from being broken. To be alive is to be susceptible to the torrents of both joy and pain, love and loss.
No effort of mine can stop that from happening. Believe me, I’ve tried every way I could think of to keep my heart from breaking. I’ve tried shutting down my feelings, stifling them, and setting them aside. I’ve tried being careful and cautious, keeping a record of every movement of my heart so I could be sure it wasn’t cracking. I’ve tried letting my heart break outright, and crying and eating ice cream and all that–still, the pain continues.
He tells me not to give up on love, and not to give up on Him. The Greek word for prayer used in Luke 18:1 is proseuchamai, which means to turn your face towards God.
Prayer is intimate and He calls me into this fellowship with Him, and tells me not to leave. He tells me to keep praying, to keep talking to Him, to keep looking into His eyes and pouring my heart out. He tells me to trust.
It is ok to disagree with God because if we didn’t, we would be like unthinking robots. We are human, and we are sinful. As a result of our sinful nature, often everything inside of us screams against what God wills. Our heart and flesh are naturally a force of disagreement and conflict with God. Though it may not be right to disagree, He gives us grace for our imperfections, and wants to meet us where we are.
It is better to be honest about how we feel with God and beg Him for grace, than to hide our true selves from Him. The former results in intimacy and the latter in pseudo-relationship.And I never know, because I can’t ever know, because the secrets of this world are far too great for me to understand. There is a rhythm that I do not know, a secret sound I cannot hear, yet I trust the heart that guides it all. He is loving, and He is true. When all is over (or when all is beginning anew) I will not need to know. Everything I am will be fulfilled with Him in glory, and the only need to know will be the need to know Him.
I have my Jesus at the end of the day, and that is enough. I get to look into His eyes, and speak with Him, face to face. I get to be loved by Him. Nothing else matters. The joy and warmth that I find in Him will override all the coldness and evil in the world and in my own heart.